I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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