tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize