Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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