if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
