I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
