Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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