he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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