...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
