Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
