fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize