she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
