so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
