dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
