i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize