Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
