So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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