i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
