Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Acid is not a monday night drug
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
