she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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