Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize