**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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