somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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