Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize