sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize