I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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