we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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