He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
