you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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