I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
