This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
