just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
