Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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