I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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