I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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