I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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