had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
