That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
