for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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