i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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