you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
