Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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