it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
