Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize