3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
