i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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