Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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