We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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