On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
