I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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