I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
