if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
