I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
