I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
