I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
