I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
