I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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