I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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