I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
