Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drake has all the answers
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
