the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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