You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
