you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
