All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
