I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
