look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize