how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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