put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
