Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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