I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
