first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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