So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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