can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
