you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize