Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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