OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize