I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
