Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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