Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
please come you make the beer taste better
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
