bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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