did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
