There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
