thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
