I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
