i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
