I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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