how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
