I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
