She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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