Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
