he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
