based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
