Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
