you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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