Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this just has baby written all over it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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