So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
