I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
