You're completely useless in the revolution.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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