margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
