he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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