Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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