I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize