Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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