The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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