My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
