im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
