Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
